I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
