I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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