I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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