This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
