You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
