This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
