dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
