my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
