I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
