So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
