I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
