I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
