The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
