He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
