She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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