dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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