I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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