hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
