just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
