Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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