this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
operation harelip BJ is a go
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
