Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
