I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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