Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
