No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
