Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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