you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
