Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Randomize
