Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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