then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
