Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
