I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
