Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize