sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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