i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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