I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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