The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
this hospital has no fireball
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
