she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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