She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
