When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
