why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
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