My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
