So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I have post one night stand depression
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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