You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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