Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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