onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
