Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
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