im six kinds of drunk right now
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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