I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Sober January is a disaster.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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