i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
