i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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