I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
People in love make me want to vomit
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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