what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
