I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
