He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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