Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
