Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
