I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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