what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
