I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
