i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize