spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
