She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
