That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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