All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
