my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
