When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
