My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
