He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
