i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
