She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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