So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
