You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
