Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
