True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
