No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
