Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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