Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
