how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
